Clearing your mind and body of toxic emotions is as important for a healthy relationship as removing garbage from your home is for a clean and harmonious environment.
Most unhealthy relationship patterns can be traced to unexpressed feelings, which often lead to resentment.
When you don’t remove this ‘garbage’ on a regular basis, your relationship stinks, and you might find yourself wanting to throw out the relationship instead of the garbage.
This not only sabotages your chance for a fulfilling relationship, it also depletes you of your sense of well-being.
In a society where feelings are easily dismissed and women are often regarded as “overly sensitive”, it’s easy to lose sight of the importance of giving expression to your emotions.
And if you’ve heard things like “just suck it up and deal with it” or “don’t be such a cry baby”, it can be especially difficult to open up and explore your feelings.
But the truth is, your feelings are an essential part of being human!
When one of your needs (physical, emotional or otherwise) is being threatened, your emotional energy will let you know. So pay attention!
Even if you’re out of touch with your feelings, they still have a huge influence on the quality of your life and your relationships.
So instead of letting festered feelings cause unwanted results, wouldn’t you rather use the intelligence of your emotions to your advantage?
Just think, if you could rely on your feelings to guide you to wise choices in your relationship, wouldn’t that ease the struggle of not knowing what to do in the midst of conflict?!
That’s pretty powerful. Your feelings will let you know if you’re on the right track in your relationship or if you need to take a detour.
For example, if you feel a strong bond with your partner, and feel loved and supported, you’re most likely in a good place in your relationship, right?
But if you feel frustrated, doubtful and distant from your partner, those feelings are clearly telling you that your relationship needs improvement!
If you don’t listen to these signals, or worse yet…you hear them, but stuff them down, that energy will fester and turn into something toxic.
I know it feels really scary to move into uncharted territory. And when you don’t know what to expect or how it’s going to affect your life, it doesn’t feel safe.
But without recognizing the significance and impact of your emotions, you’re undermining your ability for fulfillment.
When faced with fear and anxiety, we humans are really good at tricking ourselves into thinking we would be better off to stay in a place of familiarity, where we have more “control”. Even if that means remaining in an unhealthy relationship.
But when that relationship doesn’t feel safe, why would you stay?
In other words, if your place of familiarity is in a relationship that doesn’t feel loving, supportive and respectful of your needs, how does that help you feel safe?
Sure, you might know what to expect, but there’s something within you that knows you deserve way better than that! And that part of you is not going to let you feel safe until you listen to it.
This is why so many of us struggle with anxiety, confusion and even depression. These difficult emotions are triggered because your needs are not being met, and they’re trying to let you know that you need to make a change.
As long as you deny or disregard your needs, those uncomfortable emotions will intensify. What started out as a minor irritation might turn into frustration, then anger, then resentment and even revenge!
Ignoring, dismissing or stuffing down your feelings is like saying “no thank you” to who you are. Over time, repressed emotions will lead to depression.
This has reached epidemic proportions in the United States, and anti-depressants are one of the most commonly prescribed medications.
In some cases, they are necessary. But in MANY other cases, if people were educated on how to feel and express their emotions, these medications would NOT be needed.
So as you can see, getting in touch with your feelings is vital, even if it feels awkward and foreign at first.
And when it comes to your romantic relationship, one of the BEST things you can do to improve its quality is to get in touch with your emotions.
Over the next few weeks, I will invite you to explore your feelings by providing some valuable exercises that you can put into practice.
If you’re willing to engage in this practice, you will feel more empowered! And your emotions will let you know it :-).
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. You deserve to have a fulfilling relationship, and I am here to support you.
Healthy Relationship Coach