Do you ever wonder where the different voices in your head are coming from? Often having internal conversations that sound something like this:
Voice #1: “Am I in the wrong relationship?“
Voice #2: “What are you thinking?! You’ve invested way too much in this relationship to even consider leaving!“
Voice #1: “But I haven’t been happy for a long time and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Do I really have to stay just because I’ve already been in it for a long time?“
Voice #2: “What else are you going to do? How will you manage alone? What if you end up in a relationship that’s even worse? In this one, at least you know what to expect…doesn’t that feel safer than the unknown?“
Voice #1: “I get that, and I’d like it to work, but in my heart, this just doesn’t feel right. I thought true love was supposed to feel fulfilling and joyful. That’s what I really want, and this relationship just isn’t doing it for me.“
You get the idea. These different voices are the result of a disconnect between what your heart desires and what your mind is telling you to do to feel safe. And while wanting to feel safe is entirely natural, I encourage you to challenge this ‘comfort zone’ if it’s preventing you from aligning with your true desires.
The conflict created by the disconnect between your head and your heart feels like an internal tug-of-war, and can be exhausting and stressful! Over a long period of time, this can easily cause anger and resentment, and trigger you to act like someone you do NOT want to be (been there, done that)!
So, how do you calm the internal battle and feel the peace of aligning your head with your heart?
Intellectual Intelligence & Emotional Intelligence
First, it’s essential to understand that there is always a practical (intellectual/mind) component and an emotional (feeling/heart) component involved in your decisions and actions.
While the practical side of a decision is very much needed, it’s important to keep your mind in check and not allow it to dominate the conversation. Tuning in and paying attention to what your emotions are saying, AS WELL AS what your thoughts are saying, will lead you to your best decision.
I know this is easier said than done! As a society, we’ve been conditioned to listen to our heads over our hearts. And women are often not taken seriously due to “being too sensitive” and letting their emotions “get in the way” of logic.
Granted, if our emotions are unstable and all over the place, that is not the time to let them take the lead. However, your emotions are a key part of who you are and they cannot be ignored without causing some type of internal conflict.
If you’re able to draw awareness and connect to the feelings that your emotions produce, this is what I call taking advantage of your internal GPS.
Most people think of a GPS as an outside source that tells us how to get from point A to point B. In this case, I am referring to the part of you (your inside source, your heart’s true nature) that inherently knows whether or not you’re heading in the direction of your desired destination…a life you love living and a relationship you love being in.
If you’re heading in the right direction, you’ll most likely experience feelings of joy and excitement about continuing your journey. And if you take a wrong turn, you’ll most likely feel lost and experience feelings of confusion and stress about how you’re going to get there.
We all know what this feels like when it comes to the quality of our romantic relationship and whether or not it’s ‘on course’.
Exercise to Help You Receive Directions From Your GPS
So, to help you get your internal GPS primed for clear navigation on your relationship journey, over the next week, I invite you to set aside 10 minutes each day to sit quietly and tune into your emotions.
Because emotions communicate through the sensations of feeling, each time you sit, I’d like you to ponder the following questions:
How do you feel when you think about your current romantic relationship?
- Fill in the __________
What type of bodily sensation does that feeling produce?
- An upset stomach?
- A fast heart rate?
- Some type of tension or pain, such as a headache?
- Use the vocabulary that best describes YOUR emotions and bodily sensations.
If you’ve never consciously focused on tuning into your feelings, this exercise may seem awkward at first, and you may find yourself thinking, “why am I wasting my time doing this?”. Again, this is the mind’s way of keeping you safe in the familiarity of what you’re used to experiencing. But if you want things to change, you must be willing to make changes.
When you find your mind trying to dominate your feelings, simply acknowledge it, thank it for caring about you, and then gently ask it to step aside for a few minutes while you listen to your heart.
Peace of Mind
With consistent practice, this will help you get more in touch with your heart and have a stronger relationship with yourSelf!
Then, in times of needing to make an important decision, when your thoughts try to dominate the process, you’ll be able to stop the mind chatter, listen to what your heart is telling you, and make a choice that’s aligned with both your head and your heart.
A misaligned choice (head saying one thing, heart saying another) feels confusing and causes you to doubt yourself. An aligned choice (head and heart are on the same page) feels harmonious and you feel confident about your ability to make wise choices for yourself. It gives you peace of mind.
This may be a lot to take in, and you may not see results right away. But you and the quality of your life are definitely worth the effort. So take your time and be patient with yourself as you are choosing to learn something new.
Give yourself permission to ask for help when you need it. I am here to support you however I can. And if you’d like to share your experience of this new practice, I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to contact me at email@example.com.
May you feel peace in your mind, love in your heart and joy in your life.
Stay tuned for more mindful messages and other valuable resources – giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
Healthy Relationship Coach
Licensed Heal Your Life® Coach
P.S. Showing women how to be true to their hearts – especially in the question of ‘should I stay or should I go?’ – is my passion and my specialty. If you’d like to learn more about me and the coaching services I offer, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. ❤