As promised in last week’s message, we’re picking up where we left off by talking about true love and how it directly relates to true freedom.
So let’s consider this idea more specifically by addressing what it means in your romantic relationship and the connection you have with your partner.
Zen master and author Thich Nhat Hanh said, “In true love, you attain freedom.” Can you relate?
If your relationship is loving and supportive, feeling free to honor your needs and your partner’s needs is much easier! But if your relationship is less than loving and supportive, you probably feel more like a prisoner.
I don’t mean to dramatize or exaggerate, but I remember what it’s like to feel confined by unhealthy relationship patterns. Not good!
What I didn’t know then was that much of my suffering was self-inflicted. In other words, many of us create our own prison by not recognizing our own freedom.
It’s ‘Normal’ to Struggle
Freedom in our relationships is always available to us. But most of us have been taught that it’s ‘normal’ to struggle, with ideas such as:
- relationships are hard
- relationships take a lot of work
- relationships will always have problems
- fighting is normal and there’s no way to avoid it
- you have to learn how to compromise in relationships
I don’t know about you, but these beliefs certainly didn’t give me a sense of freedom! Instead, they sometimes had me questioning why I even wanted to be in a committed relationship in the first place.
But thankfully that changed over time. After moving out of a long-term unhealthy relationship, it was time for me to wake up and take responsibility for the prison I had unintentionally created for myself…so I didn’t carry that pattern into my next relationship.
And the Universe was there to support me! People showed up in my life to teach me a new perspective. Books landed in my hands to help me understand ideas that were not yet familiar. And feelings of freedom were new…and joyfully welcomed.
It’s Natural to Love Without Struggle
One of the most helpful things I learned was that what most people consider normal might be normal by popular belief, but that doesn’t mean it’s natural.
Because naturally, we are born with unconditional love in our hearts and are designed by nature to love without fear.
However, with centuries of human conditioning, we’ve been taught to believe that it’s not safe to love without being on guard to protect ourselves from pain. And that’s where so many of our limiting beliefs and patterns come from.
What if we could see our old beliefs differently? What if we could change our mindset from struggle to freedom with statements such as:
- relationships are a wonderful expression of love
- healthy relationships take courage and a willingness to grow
- relationship challenges can help us strengthen our connections through honesty and respect
- agreeing to disagree can be empowering and there doesn’t have to be a right or wrong
- learning how to compromise with your partner without compromising yourself is an act of love
Yes, it takes a lot of self-awareness and willingness to learn how to see things differently. But once you discover how to liberate yourself from old ideas and beliefs that are no longer true for you, a whole new world will open up.
Here’s a simple example: When I was in my 20’s, I was ‘trained’ into believing that it was acceptable for my boyfriend to lie to me, as long as he said he was sorry. At age 47 (and well before then), that belief no longer rings true.
Some beliefs are not as easy to change, but understanding that a belief is just a thought that you keep thinking or have been convinced of, you have the power to change your thoughts, and therefore your beliefs. It can be done!
Is It Time to Examine Your Beliefs?
This week, I invite you to examine your beliefs and determine whether or not they need to be updated. Make a list of the beliefs you have about relationships and see if they feel right. If they don’t, they probably don’t ring true for you. And understanding what’s no longer true for you is an excellent first step in a new and empowered direction.
This is what Module 3 of my HEALTHY Path Process program is all about – empowering yourself by identifying your patterns, and letting go of the ones that you’ve already learned from the hard way…most likely through years of frustration and resentment.
Maximizing Your Potential
We learn. We grow. We change. We evolve. And our ideas and beliefs need to be challenged sometimes in order to maximize our potential.
When you can transform your unhealthy patterns into healthy patterns – and be the best version of you in your relationships – this is true love and true freedom. You deserve this. Your partner deserves this. Every person deserves this!
Speaking about maximizing your potential, if you’d like to learn more about how the The HEALTHY Path Process program can help you do this – through a step-by-step process that gives you the tools and guidance you need – see the P.S. below for more details. I’d love to support you on this journey!
You were born to live a life that you love, and you are worthy of a relationship that you love being in.
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
Healthy Relationship Coach
P.S. If you’re tired of being unhappy or unsure in your relationship, I encourage you to sign up for my exclusive program called The HEALTHY Path Process: 8 Steps to Know…Should I Stay or Should I Go?
And with this month’s special offer of 20% off, now is an excellent time to say YES your freedom and a better quality of life. To get started, all you have to do is use this link to schedule a Q&A call. I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have, and together, we’ll determine if the program is a good fit for you.
Curious about the benefits and results of the program and working with me as your coach? My clients say it best – go here to read testimonials.