We learn A LOT about ourselves when dealing with relationship conflict and the pain that comes with it! Nobody wants to experience pain, but we all do, and there’s really no way to avoid it completely…no matter how hard we try.
BUT there is a way to lessen its intensity, duration and frequency. And once you learn how to do this, the quality of your life and relationships will drastically improve.
Different Forms of Pain
Pain comes in many forms, but all of us can relate to emotional pain and physical pain. And often times, unresolved emotional pain is what causes physical pain.
When your emotions stir feelings of discomfort and anguish, it’s a sign that something is just not right. And when ignored long enough, your body will start screaming to let you know that something needs to change.
Recognizing Pain as a Friend Instead of an Enemy
We often curse our negative emotions as the cause for our discomfort. But if you think about it, emotions alone do not create the pain…it’s the act of stuffing them down and denying what they’re trying to tell us that causes suffering.
Your emotions are a part of who you are, and you have them for a reason. Even though painful emotions feel like an enemy, they’re actually your friend.
Let’s consider a simple example of physical pain caused by a physical source, such as twisting your ankle while hiking. When this happens, if the brain didn’t send signals to the nervous system to feel pain and yell “stop, you’ve been hurt”, you’d keep hiking and that twist might turn into a break.
In this example, feeling pain is a positive, right? But when it comes to emotional pain, instead of listening to the signals of irritation, anger and resentment – which often lead to stomach aches, headaches, or just plain tension – many of us ignore these signals and hope that our symptoms will miraculously go away on their own.
Lack of Alignment Causes Pain
When it comes to physical pain caused by poor posture habits (such as sitting at a computer for hours at a time), I love how my chiropractor is able to help me reduce that discomfort by working on the alignment of my spine. When my spine is out of alignment, the rest of my body is affected and produces symptoms of tension, stiffness and inflexibility.
The same is true when your thoughts and emotions are out of alignment. When your thoughts say one thing (“I said I would stay in this relationship no matter what”) and your heart says another (“I no longer feel a meaningful connection with my partner”), this lack of alignment produces symptoms of emotional conflict and pain. And pain causes stress.
Stress does a great job of doing what it’s supposed to do, which is to spark a fight or flight response. In the example of emotional stress, fighting certainly won’t help the situation. And fleeing the situation might feel good in the short-term, but it won’t resolve the issue…which then creates even more stress!
The Way Out of It is Through It
It’s a vicious cycle and the only way out of it is through it. What I mean by ‘through it’ is that in order to resolve the internal conflict going on between your head and your heart, you must fully feel what you’re going through to get clear about what to do next.
When you allow yourself to feel your pain rather than stuff it down, your feelings will begin to guide you in a new direction. On the flip side, when you let your thoughts dominate and control all of your decisions, it’s like choosing to continue hiking even though you have a twisted ankle.
Society’s Influence vs. Personal Choice
I have no idea why the majority of our population hasn’t been taught that expressing and moving through our emotions is just as important as moving our bodies. And that learning how to let go of the toxic emotions that we hold onto is just as significant as detoxing the body after feeding it a bunch of crap.
But I do know that we can choose to change this. We have the ability to learn what we need to learn to make healthy changes in ALL areas of our lives. This requires action. Without action, things will stay the same.
Liberate Yourself Through Personal Power
As Tony Robbins said: “Personal power is the ability to take action.”
So please, if you’re suffering in your relationship and you feel like you’ve lost your power, choose to empower yourself now. Choose to allow yourself to get in touch with your feelings. Choose to take action in order to reduce the conflict in your life. Choose to be the real YOU!
In my opinion, the reason why so many marriages end in horrible divorces is because people are reacting from a wounded place of pain instead of the love they once felt for each other.
Feeling and working through your painful emotions is a way to heal those wounds and respond with love even if the final decision is to go your separate ways.
The Choice is Yours
I know this isn’t easy, but neither is staying in a relationship that doesn’t feel loving. The choice is yours.
It’s up to you to be true to yourself in your romantic relationship. Nobody can do that for you, but we all need guidance and support when going through painful transitions. Give yourself permission to ask for help…and to live your best life. You deserve it!
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
P.S. If the current state of your romantic relationship is causing pain, please contact me here to schedule your free Relationship Breakthrough Session. You’re not alone and I can help you through this.