With Daylight Savings Time starting tomorrow (for the countries that observe it), and as we transition from winter to spring, it’s a great time to share some ideas on how to shed a little light on your darkest
We all have dark moments. Unfortunately for many of us, these ‘moments’ can linger for far too long, and we may find ourselves carrying a burden that feels heavier and heavier as time goes on…as if we don’t know how to let go of it.
In the context of a romantic relationship, this can feel very confusing and stressful! This type of relationship is designed to feel supportive, loving and joyful; not critical, resentful or dark.
And yet, how many couples have gone into their relationship thinking their love would last forever, only to find themselves in a state of pain so great that they’re actually willing to say they hate each other and spend thousands of dollars to get legally separated?
This is a very sad fact, but we can’t avoid the truth. Or can we? I wonder how many love affairs have gone sour due to a lack of honesty. I wonder how many unexpressed feelings have festered and grown dark with resentment from not being understood.
If we want true love to last, we must be truthful…even if it hurts. Yes, sometimes honesty causes pain.
But let’s face it, being dishonest, or failing to speak your truth to those who need to hear it, is even more hurtful. Why? Because being dishonest with yourself and/or your partner is a disservice to both of you.
Even if your truth is not what the other person wants to hear, and maybe even hurts their feelings, honesty is an act of respect. It’s an act of courage. And it’s an act of love.
I used to think that holding back some of my feelings was actually an act of kindness toward my partner…because I didn’t want him to feel rejected or that he was doing something wrong.
The truth is, he wasn’t doing anything wrong. But there were certain things that I wasn’t really okay with…and yet I wasn’t brave enough to express my feelings because I was too afraid that I would hurt his.
Knowing and appreciating that he and our relationship had so many great qualities, I was trying hard to accept our differences, some of which really bothered me deep down. I kept thinking that I had more inside work to do and that I could eventually learn to accept all of our differences.
But as time went on, I started feeling resentful. Not because he wasn’t honoring my feelings, but because I wasn’t honoring them! I was trying so hard to accept ALL of him that I didn’t realize that I wasn’t accepting ALL of me.
This was a crucial ‘aha moment’ for me. How could he possibly do anything to help alleviate my internal conflict if I wasn’t being honest with myself, let alone him?
That aha moment was a HUGE step toward a healthier path. A path that led to more honesty and less fear. More respect and less resentment. And more light and less darkness.
When you’re in a state of emotional pain in your relationship, you can begin to heal that pain by identifying its source. This starts with being honest with yourself about what’s not working.
- What are you upset about?
- What part of you is not being heard or understood?
- What need is not being met?
It’s not about blame, being right, or changing the other person. It’s about honesty…plain and simple, down-to-earth honesty.
When you choose to face the reality of your feelings with honesty, even if it’s difficult, it will lessen your load and allow your light to shine brighter. It begins with YOU!
Stay tuned for more healthy tips on how to honor and nurture your feelings.
Healthy Relationship Coach
P.S. Looking to lighten those heavy feelings around the lack of harmony in your relationship? Contact me today for your free relationship strategy session. Let’s shed some light on this together!