If you’ve been struggling in your romantic relationship, you’re undoubtedly looking for a solution on how to make this problem go away. And rightfully so. I mean…
- Who wants to deal with relationship conflict any longer than they have to?
- Who wants to feel frustrated with the love of their life?
- Who wants to feel stressed about something that’s meant to feel good?
No one! Romantic relationships are supposed to feel fulfilling and enjoyable. And yet, relationship conflict is one of the most common and intense sources of stress in people’s lives.
Why is that? And if there was a surefire way to fix this problem, would you try it?
Conflict is Inevitable But It’s Not Meant to Stay
Couples often have a difference of opinion. And they sometimes have different ways of handling things. Where there is disagreement, there is some level of conflict – that’s what conflict means.
So yes, relationship conflict is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean it’s meant to stick around for an indefinite period of time. Doesn’t it make more sense to resolve it than to continue suffering from it?
The longer we avoid conflict, the heavier it becomes. And the heavier it becomes, the more difficult it is to resolve.
It Will Go Away When You Resolve It
The level of stress in your relationship is a direct reflection of the level of unresolved conflict. Conflict with your partner and/or with yourself.
I know the idea of having conflict with yourself may sound a bit weird, but stay with me on this.
How often do you think one way…’I need to make this relationship work because I’ve invested so much time in it, but you feel a different way…’I have no desire to be in this relationship any longer’.
How often do you do something because you think you ‘should’…’I feel like I should have sex with my partner because I’m his wife/partner, but you really have no desire to do it…’I don’t feel emotionally connected and safe in this relationship, but I’ll just do it anyway and get it over with.’
These are perfect examples of how we create conflict with ourselves, and it happens A LOT…especially with women. And then we wonder why we’re having such a hard time trying to decide what to do about our relationship…’Should I try to make it work? Or should I leave this relationship and all of its problems behind?
If you want the conflict in your relationship to go away, you must first resolve the conflict within yourself. Trying to fix the problem on the outside is much more difficult when you’re still fighting with yourself on the inside.
Leaving a Relationship Won’t Make Your Problems Go Away
Even if your relationship goes away, your problems may not. As Pema Chodron said: “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”
So before you make a decision to leave your current relationship behind, I encourage you to ask yourself what the conflict in this relationship is trying to teach you.
Perhaps it’s trying to teach you to be true to yourself and ask for what you need. If you’re upset with your partner for not giving you what you need, maybe there’s a better way to effectively communicate what it is that you need.
Perhaps it’s trying to teach you to be more forgiving and let go of past resentments. If you’re holding onto a grudge and closing your heart, the chances of your relationship getting better are slim to none.
Perhaps it’s trying to teach you how to love unconditionally. Loving someone unconditionally doesn’t mean you stay no matter what – it means bringing the truth of who you are to any situation, regardless of the conditions. To learn more on this subject, feel free to read my blog called: ‘What’s the Deal With Unconditional Love?’
Perhaps it’s trying to teach you that it is time to let go. There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when enough is enough (more on that topic later this month).
Whatever the conflict in your relationship is trying to teach you, the more willing you are to learn from it, the better off you will be. Rather than give your power away by blaming your partner for the problems, accept responsibility for your role in the relationship and how you’re choosing to handle the conflict.
This is how we grow. This is how we improve the quality of our lives and relationships. This is how we show up as the women we really want to be.
Throughout the month of March, I will dive deeper into this thought-provoking subject. So if you’re looking for ways to empower yourself, reduce conflict and take control of your life, you don’t want to miss what I’ll be sharing.
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
Healthy Relationship Coach
P.S. If you know of someone who’s struggling in their relationship, feel free to share this message with them. To share on social media, use the “share this story” feature at the bottom of this blog.
P.P.S. If you’re looking for support and guidance in your romantic relationship, you’re welcome to take advantage of a complimentary Relationship Breakthrough Session. I am here to support you!