a-real-decision-is-measured-by-new-actionIs Your Relationship Driving You Insane?

If your romantic relationship doesn’t feel fulfilling, you owe it to yourself to honor what you need in this type of relationship and take action that will move you in the direction of your goals.

In the midst of confusion and stress, trying to decide whether to stay or go feels like being stuck between a rock and hard place. I’ve been there, so I know! But let me lovingly remind you of Albert Einstein’s famous words: The definition of insanity…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Do those words ring true for you? Do you feel like the repetitive pattern of indecision about your relationship is driving you insane? If your answer is “yes”, here are some ways to reclaim your sanity and find the courage to take action for the better.

Taking Action to Clear Your Confusion
No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, or how long you’ve been struggling in your relationship, when a relationship takes a turn for the worse, it creates confusion and stress. What once felt stable and loving now feels rocky and tainted with disappointment.

Naturally, this sparks the need to protect yourself from even more pain, which may then cause you to shut down or dismiss your and/or your partner’s feelings. And yet, shutting down or dismissing your feelings will not improve the circumstances.

One of the most empowering things you can do for yourself in this situation is allow yourself to feel your way through your painful emotions and love yourself unconditionally in the process.

It’s so easy to beat ourselves up and label ourselves as ‘wrong’ for having unpleasant feelings, which causes us to stuff them down. But unless you accept those feelings and let them guide you toward the action you need to take, the same painful emotions will keep showing up in your life.

I offered many tips, exercises and resources on this subject in October’s mindful messages. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to read them:

Taking Action to Honor What You Need
Once you’re able to wade through your confusion and gain clarity on what you need in order for your relationship to improve, the next best step is to start taking action in the direction of those goals.

If you’re leaning in the direction of staying with your partner and finding a way to make the relationship work, you’ll need to get clear on what needs to change in order to make that happen and, when you’re ready, have an honest conversation with your partner about your future together.

If you’re leaning in the direction of letting go of your relationship, you’ll most likely want to feel that you’ve done everything you can within your power to make it work, and, when you’re ready, have an honest conversation with your partner about going your separate ways.

Either way, it’s helpful to know that when you can have the conversation with integrity and respect, your chances of keeping it amicable are much greater.

Taking Action to Produce Desired Results
Even after getting clear about whether to stay or go, the idea of acting on on your decision can seem daunting. There are a lot of unknowns, and not knowing what to expect in your future can be really scary!

If you decide to stay with your partner, don’t be afraid to ask for help…find someone who can guide and support you through this new chapter in your lives. In my experience, many couples in this situation benefit from both individual coaching and couple’s coaching/counseling.

Without a healthy relationship with yourself, you can’t have a healthy relationship with another. And at some point, the two of you will need to work on changes together.

If you decide to go your separate ways, you’ll greatly benefit from a source of encouragement, guidance and support as you leave and grieve a significant chapter in your life and start a new journey with yourself, while preparing yourself for your future partner…if that’s what you desire.

Consider engaging the guidance and support of a relationship coach who specializes in helping women stay true to themselves and move through this type of difficult transition with greater ease. Do your research and find one that feels right for you.

Or perhaps you’d like to join a women’s encouragement group to connect with like-minded women who can be a source of healthy connections. Exploring local meetup.com groups or doing an online search is a great place to start.

Lack of Action = More of the Same
If, after reading all of this information, you still feel like you simply can’t muster up the courage to take action, consider these words from Tony Robbins: “A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”

Even if you’re feeling way too confused to make any type of concrete decision about your relationship, you can still take some form of positive action to lead you in that direction. Start with one small step to begin…and then keep taking one step at a time.

Maybe your first step is simply admitting to yourself that your relationship isn’t working and you want it to change. Go ahead and take that step…and then trust that you will be guided to the next one. Each step will lead you closer and closer to a decision that feels right for you.

Either Way, It’s Brutiful
Putting the pieces back together from a relationship that’s fallen apart is not easy. And choosing to leave a relationship that no longer serves your highest good can be brutal. But the good news is…either of these experiences gives you a beautiful opportunity to improve your relationship with yourself, and that is a true gift! This is a perfect example of the coined term “brutiful” (from Glennon Doyle Melton, author of ‘Love Warrior’).

You deserve to be in a healthy relationship, and it’s up to you to define what that looks like for you. So please…if your relationship is driving you insane, take action today and reclaim your sanity. You CAN do it!

Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!

With love and support,

Catherine Dietz
Healthy Relationship Coach

P.S. Need a boost of encouragement and support about what action to take in your relationship? Schedule your free Relationship Breakthrough Session here, and let’s do this together. I’d love to connect with you and help you however I can.