We’ve covered quite a bit on the subject of new beginnings this month. And now that the beginning of the new year (January) is coming to an end, it’s a good time to check in with yourself about how you’re feeling:
- Are you feeling good about the quality of your romantic relationship?
- Does it have you feeling excited about all that you get to share with your partner this year?
- Or does it feel like it’s holding you back from everything you’d like to accomplish and experience in 2017?
These are important questions to consider. We may be at the end of January, but this could be just the beginning of a new chapter for you. If your relationship isn’t where you’d like it to be, it’s not too late to set yourself up for healthy changes this year.
And this week, I have some great insights to share with you that will help you move forward and stay on track.
Long-Term Patterns Don’t Change Overnight
Let’s face it, if you’re looking to change any form of long-term habits or patterns in your life – whether that means changing your diet, exercising more, spending more quality time with your partner and/or kids, or whatever it is that you desire – it takes commitment on your part.
Just talking about it, wishing for it, or taking one or two steps and then giving up isn’t going to give you the results you’re seeking. But please don’t let that stop you. Change may not always be easy, but it is always possible.
Roman philosopher Seneca said: “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
The beginning of February comes at the end of January. And the beginning of January came at end of 2016.
The beginning of a butterfly comes at the end of its metamorphosis. And the beginning of its metamorphosis came at the end of its embryonic stage.
You get the point, right? So when it comes to your relationship, the beginning of a new chapter comes at the end of the former chapter. With this in mind, it will serve you well to remember that you can’t start that new chapter until you stop re-reading the last one.
How to Begin a New Chapter
If you want to create new behavior patterns, you have to break through the old ones. If you want a new relationship, the form of the old relationship needs to change.
This could mean that you and your partner find a new way to handle your conflict, get back to being a priority for each other, and reconnect in a way that feels loving and purposeful.
Or, if you’ve already tried everything you can to make it better and it’s just not working, this could mean that you’re ready to learn how to gracefully let the relationship go with respect for what it once was and acceptance of what it isn’t.
If you simply let it go without doing your best to work through the conflict (even if that means you do this without your partner), you will most likely find similar patterns of conflict coming up in your next relationship.
Until we heal the conflict within us, we attract relationships that trigger that pain. Yes, this is irritating, but it’s also a gift. It’s a gift from the Universe, and it’s telling you “I believe in you and I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to see what I see…how amazing you are and how worthy you are of a life filled with love and joy.”
Ask and You Shall Receive
When we allows ourselves to stay stuck in unfulfilling relationships, we’re essentially telling the Universe that this is what we’re choosing, so bring on more of the same.
When we love ourselves enough to say I’m ready for change. This isn’t working for me anymore, and I’m willing to work through the patterns that are holding me back from my greatest life…that’s when the Universe responds to your requests and gives you the experiences you need to move to the next chapter.
First, you must believe in yourself and your ability to make changes…even when those changes will be challenging. Then you must get the support you need to stay on track, get back up when you fall, and keep moving forward.
We all need support when going through a challenging time, and that support can show up in a number of different ways. Be sure to find like-minded people who understand what you’re going through, are willing to share what they’ve learned through their own challenges, and will lift you up when you’re feeling down.
If you hang out with people who are unhappy and feel like the victim of their own circumstances, just remember that misery loves company. People who subscribe to the victim mentality will not inspire you…they will only fuel more misery.
Read materials that will help you learn something new about yourself. If you want to learn how to communicate better when feeling frustrated or upset with your partner, find a book that speaks to you on this subject and create a new pattern of healthy communication.
Even if you you already have one foot out the door, learning how to effectively communicate is not a waste of time. Healthy communication is a tool that you can use for the rest of your life in any relationship, and it reduces a lot of unnecessary stress.
Yes You Can
Whatever change you’re wanting to make in your relationship, you CAN do it.
In the beginning of this message, I asked you if your relationship is at the beginning of the end. This question can be interpreted in more than one way, and I’d be curious to hear what went through your mind when you read that question.
Regardless of your answer, the fact remains, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” So what are you ready to end? What new beginning are you seeking in your life? These questions may be scary, and I understand how that feels. But I have to ask…which sounds scarier:
- The idea of staying in an unfulfilling relationship for the rest of your life, with no hope of change?
- Or the idea of going through a temporary period of challenges and change that will catapult you into your best life?
The choice is yours. The way you choose to live your life is yours. The ability to make changes for the better is yours. And the acceptance of someone helping you through a challenging time is yours.
You are not alone – I am here for you. I believe in you and I would love to support you and cheer you on as you begin a new chapter in your life. If you’d like to hear more about what I offer and how I help my clients, simply reply to this email with “tell me more”.
If I’m not the right person to help you, please find the person who is. Life is way too precious to be unsure or unhappy about your relationship. You deserve better.
February is right around the corner, and that means there will soon be a lot of emphasis on Valentine’s Day. If you’re not feeling the love in your romantic relationship, don’t worry…there are plenty of other forms of love to focus on.
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
Healthy Relationship Coach
P.S. If you live in or near San Diego, I’m offering a live workshop on Wednesday, February 8 (that’s coming up FAST). Go here for more details and to save your spot. I would love to see you there!