With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, it’s hard to ignore the extra focus on romantic love. This can be a good thing if you’re feeling loveable and loving. But if you’re feeling disconnected and unfulfilled in your romantic relationship, Valentine’s Day might be a celebration you’d rather avoid.
I know how this feels, and I want you to know that it’s perfectly okay to feel this way. Women are prone to feeling guilty when they’re not feeling the way they ‘should’ for their partner, and will often sacrifice and disrespect their feelings to avoid being judged by their partner or others.
Being real about your feelings is not something to feel guilty about. There’s nothing wrong with you. If you’re just not feelin’ the love right now, you have the right to honor those feelings – they’re there for a reason.
Respect yourself and your partner enough to be honest about not wanting to force a celebration that doesn’t feel authentic. Seriously, why just go through the motions…what’s the point?
Also keep in mind that, even if you don’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with your partner, that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate love at all. In fact, I encourage you to use this opportunity to love yourself up! And I have some great tips on how to do just that.
Love Yourself Up
What do I mean by ‘love yourself up’? I mean give yourself the love that you seek. Appreciate who you are. Acknowledge all that you do. Soothe yourself when feeling upset. Give yourself a hug. Make yourself a delicious meal. Spend time doing things that bring joy to your heart.
One of the many beauties of learning how to love yourself is that you no longer feel dependent on someone else to give this love to you. You can give it to yourself in any given moment. Then, when other people do give it to you, it’s just icing on the cake! But when they don’t, you don’t feel deprived or unloved.
Before you jump to the conclusion that loving yourself is self-centered or mumbo jumbo, I respectfully challenge you to try it for yourself. And to help you get started, my gift of love to you is a guide to initiating this empowering journey.
10 Tips From the Queen of Self-Love
If you’ve ever heard of Louise Hay, best selling author of ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ (and many other books), you know that she’s the queen of self-love. She’s helped millions of people learn how to love themselves and improve their quality of life. Here are 10 of her tips on:
How to Love Yourself
- Stop all criticism. Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.
- Don’t scare yourself. Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.
- Be gentle and kind and patient. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really love.
- Be kind to your mind. Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change the thoughts.
- Praise yourself. Criticism breaks the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.
- Support yourself. Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.
- Be loving to your negatives. Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.
- Take care of your body. Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.
- Mirror work. Look into your own eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to you parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say: “I love you, I really love you!”
- LOVE YOURSELF – DO IT NOW! Don’t wait for until you get well, or lose weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin NOW – do the best you can.
Tips on Following These Tips
These tips are easy enough to understand, but if you’re new to the practice of self-love, you may find that putting them into action feels a bit awkward! Practice makes progress, right? So I encourage you to apply at least one or two of them in your everyday life as often as possible. For example:
- When you catch your mind making up stories, try tip #2
- When you get mad at yourself and are quick to beat yourself up, try tip #1
- When you try tip #9 and feel awkward, go to tip #3
If you follow these tips for the next 7 days in a row (and beyond), I guarantee you’ll feel lighter. And you’ll have the added bonus of connecting more deeply to the part of you that already knows how worthy you are of true love. This will naturally help you improve the quality of your life and relationships – it’s awesome!
You Deserve Your Love and Affection
Buddha said: “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” So, instead of expending energy on how to avoid Valentine’s Day with your partner, feel good about choosing to be honest and respectful about your feelings, and choose to celebrate love in a different way.
The beautiful thing about love is that it’s inspired by all sorts of different connections, and the more you cultivate a relationship of love, appreciation and respect for yourself, the more ways you’ll find to celebrate love in ALL areas of your life.
With that in mind, in addition to applying the 10 tips on how to love yourself, let’s explore some of the things you love about life, so you can begin to feel more of the love and affection you deserve.
I encourage you to check out the empowering exercise below and complete it over the next week. Reading helpful tips is a great start, but the real shifts take place when you apply them!
- Write down 10 things that you really enjoy and love having in your life. They can be as simple as reading healthy tips from A Healthy Path to Love ❤, or as profound as a deep connection with nature or a close friend.
- Now, for each of those 10 items, write down 2 or 3 reasons why you enjoy them. Do they:
- Inspire and encourage you?
- Help you feel valued and appreciated?
- Make you smile or laugh?
- By completing the exercise up to this point, you’ll start connecting to a sense of appreciation for the numerous ways love shows up in your life. And you might even find a common link between the ‘whys’.
- Now, take those feelings, invite them to expand within your heart and allow yourself to feel this amazing gift of love! Stay present to those feelings as long as you can, and repeat as often as possible.
Even when your romantic relationship isn’t going the way you want it to, you still have the power to tap into a feeling of love and appreciation for what IS going well. There are endless opportunities to connect with the various sources of love in your everyday life.
The more you adopt this as a consistent and conscious practice, the more it will become your natural mindset. It may not be easy at first, but practice makes progress!
If you and your romantic partner are not in a good place right now, that feeling of conflict may be extra obvious this month. However, rather than falling into a pit of despair, let those feelings be a wake-up call – use the pain of conflict to motivate you to make changes. No changes = more of the same. If you’re looking for a resource to support you in making healthy changes, sign up for my free ‘8 Days of Inspired Action’ challenge.
And remember…when you allow yourself to feel love for yourself and your life, you have more power, peace and strength to support you through painful times. So let’s use this month to celebrate the amazing person you are and the love that is all around you.
Cheers to you, and cheers to love!
Stay tuned for more mindful messages and other valuable resources – giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
Healthy Relationship Coach
Licensed Heal Your Life® Coach
P.S. If you know of someone who could use some extra love this month, please share this message with them by using the platform of your choice below – you might just brighten their day.