Most of us have heard of the analogy between planting physical seeds for physical growth (such as a tomato plant) vs. planting mental seeds for personal growth (such as creating a practice of gratitude). In honor of the first official day of Spring, I’d like to plant a few seeds of inspiration for the health of your romantic relationship.
Consciously planting positive seeds for improving the quality of your relationship is a very beneficial practice! But remember that you may have some deep-rooted beliefs or resentments that are still feeding the weeds…the unhealthy habits that have grown out of control and are impeding the beauty of a healthy and loving relationship.
Your discontent may have started out as an irritation from something your partner did. And without proper resolve, may have boiled over into frustration, anger or even resentment.
Even though you don’t want this discord to grow, and you’re certainly not doing it on purpose, as long as you’re feeding it in any way (consciously or unconsciously), you’re giving it the fuel it needs to keep growing…and growing…and growing.
On a good day, maybe you can purposely uproot these weeds from your relationship in the hope of them never growing back. But if they’re already deeply rooted, it will take more than one gardening session.
So what can you do to nourish the positive seeds instead? What kind of MiracleGro do you use to reap a harvest of honesty, love and respect in your relationship?
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: As humans, we are designed to thrive. We are born to grow and flourish and enjoy life! AND OUR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS ARE DESIGNED TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN US.
So one of the best ways you can tend to your personal growth, and therefore the growth of your romantic relationship, is to stay focused on and inspired by the result you are trying to achieve, not what you are trying to avoid.
As Louise Hay describes in her bestselling book, You Can Heal Your Life: “The more you dwell on what you don’t want, the more of it you will create. What you put your attention on grows and becomes permanent in your life. Move away from the negative, and put your attention on what it is that you really do want to be or have.”
Instead of feeding the weeds by thinking and saying:
- “I don’t want to be in this relationship.”
- “Things will never change.”
- “I made a commitment, now I have to stay no matter what.”
Flip these thoughts, and plant new seeds by thinking and saying:
- “I have a wonderful new relationship.”
- “I see my patterns, and I choose to make changes.”
- “I made a commitment to a healthy relationship, not to sacrificing my needs and desires.”
Once you’ve decided which seeds you want to plant, tend to them lovingly with positive affirmations, visualizing, and whatever else inspires you, all the while allowing them time to grow. When a tomato plant doesn’t spring up overnight, a gardener doesn’t keep uprooting the seed to see what’s going on; it needs time to establish its roots and be nourished with healthy soil, water and sun.
You might already feel like you’re at your wits’ end and don’t have the time or patience to let things unfold in a new direction. However, if you look at your options, this may be the one that aligns the most with your head AND your heart.
What are your options?
- get clear on what you need and take action toward positive changes
- keep things the way they are and remain frustrated indefinitely
- leave the relationship feeling defeated and resentful
It’s totally normal to feel that you might need some help with this! There are MANY great sources of support, knowledge and inspiration that can help you feel clear and confident about your choice. For now, begin with deciding which seeds you want to plant for the relationship you desire (hint: they’re usually the opposite of what you don’t want).
In next week’s message, I’ll share with you what I do to keep to keep the soil healthy for sowing the seeds of change.
Also, if you’re in the San Diego area on March 28, I’d love for you to attend my workshop: “Experience the TRUE Love you Deserve”. You’ll learn all sorts of valuable tools for how to make effective changes in your romantic relationship. And it would be great to connect with you in person!
Healthy Relationship Coach
P.S. If you’re ready to work on a plan for more harmony in your relationship, contact me today for your free relationship strategy session. I’ve helped my clients get great results, and I can help you, too!
P.P.S. If you know of someone who lives in San Diego, and would benefit from healthy changes in their romantic relationship, please share the details of my March 28 workshop: “Experience the TRUE Love you Deserve”.