How is 2018 going for you so far? Are you (still) feeling inspired to make changes for the better and make this year your best one yet?
Part of living a life you love is creating healthy relationships that add value and purpose to your day-to-day living. So, if your romantic relationship is not where you’d like it to be, committing to making healthy changes in this area of your life is a great place to start.
This is my specialty, and I love sharing tools and resources to support you in reaching your goals. In this mindful message, I’m going to lead you through some questions – and provide valuable insights – that will help you move forward in a new and more empowered direction.
The first question I have for you is this: Do you know where your relationship is going?
You might know that your current circumstances aren’t working and that changes need to be made, but are you able to clearly articulate where you want your relationship to go?
Questions That Lead to Clarity
In many cases, in order to reach your destination, you must first know where you’re going. But in the case of a relationship, if you’re in a consistent state of conflict and confusion about whether to stay or go, it’s hard to know where you’re going, right?
Most of the women I work with are already leaning in one direction or the other, but haven’t yet figured out how to get clear on a decision that feels right for them and allows them to stay in integrity with their core values. This is a big part of what keeps them stuck in the vicious cycle of ‘should I stay or go?’.
So here are a few additional questions I’d like you to ask yourself:
- Deep down, do I want to stay with my partner and keep on trying to make it work?
- If the approach we’ve tried so far hasn’t worked, am I willing to learn a different approach and request the same of my partner?
- Am I willing to learn from and forgive the damage that’s already been done so we can put the past behind us and begin a new and improved chapter?
- Deep down, do I already know that my current partner is not (or no longer) the right partner for me?
- Am I willing to gracefully let go of a relationship that no longer feels aligned with my heart’s desires and no longer serves its original purpose?
- If this is the choice I make, can I move forward in my life (and let my partner move forward in his) honoring what we once had, without feeling guilty or that I failed in our relationship?
These are BIG questions. And they deserve real and honest answers. But so often, in emotionally-invested situations like these, there are a number of different voices going on inside our head, and they’re usually not agreeing with each other!
This makes the process for getting clear on these answers much more challenging, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
What Can You Do About This?
I’ve been there, and I remember how difficult it was to wade through the confusion, pain and struggle of not knowing what to do and how to handle it.
When I realized that my ongoing confusion and struggle was becoming more painful than the idea of change and uncertainty, I knew I had to accept responsibility for my well-being, and that it was up to me to find myself again.
It wasn’t my partner’s fault that I was confused. Yes, it takes two to tango, but he wasn’t the one feeling my internal conflict – I was. With this realization, I knew I needed to go back to the basics and get real with myself, and I found myself asking questions like:
- Why do I want this type of relationship in my life – what purpose does it serve?
- What do I need from my partner in order for this relationship to feel good…to feel that it’s aligned with its purpose?
- And what do I need to do/who do I need to be in order to know that I’m doing my best to be a great partner while also staying true to myself?
If we’re not being true to ourselves, how can we possibly be true to another? And how can we be in a committed relationship with another if we’re not being honest and real with them?
A Process for Clarity, Confidence and Courage in Your Relationship
And so began my HEALTHY Path to Love journey. As I navigated through the emotional turbulence of this painful predicament myself, I discovered a practical and heart-centered process that enabled me to not only uncover the answer in whether to stay or go, but to also reconnect with what’s really important to oneself and our relationships.
In my opinion, it’s all about the love. And love includes honesty and respect. Going through my HEALTHY Path Process allowed me to to stay in integrity with the commitment I had made to the relationship with my partner AND stay true to myself. And I documented my journey by journaling every step of the way.
Little did I know at the time that I was also creating a process that I would someday share with others. My painful relationship experience had more blessings in disguise than I could have ever imagined. Having successfully navigated my way back to my clear and confident self, I was now able to share this gift with others.
This gift now shows up in the form of: The HEALTHY Path Process: 8 Steps to Know…Should I Stay or Should I Go? A comprehensive program for transformation in your romantic relationship and in your life.
Having a systematized approach to an emotionally-charged predicament is very effective for those who are willing to go through a specific process. It’s a series of guided actions that lead you away from confusion and stress, and toward clarity and peace of mind.
In the situation of ‘should I stay or should I go?’, this is no easy task. But it can be done, and it is well worth it! Because when you’re able to gain the clarity and peace of mind you seek, you’re able to find the solution to your problem with much greater ease and grace. And THEN you have the confidence and courage to move forward with your newfound solution.
Step 1 of The HEALTHY Path Process is all about setting yourself up for success, which is essential when committing to anything of significant value. Coming to a clear decision about your relationship is a HUGE choice that deserves respect and requires commitment, honesty, integrity, and more.
Step 2 is all about honing in on the purpose of your relationship (the H in HEALTHY). Which is part of the focus of this week’s mindful message – getting clear on where your relationship is going. In order to do that, it makes sense to first get clear on why you’re in it, right?
The most obvious answer is along the lines of: “because I want someone to share my life with.” But, in addition to what I’ve already shared, let’s go a bit deeper than that, shall we?
Are You With the Right Partner for You?
International bestselling author and spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz offers this perspective on who the right partner is: “Someone who wants to go in the same direction as you do, someone who is compatible with your views and your values — emotionally, physically, economically, spiritually.”
Okay, great. So what does that mean? Are you clear on your views and values?
If you’re growing through life (rather than just going through life), at least some of your views and values will naturally change as you grow.
And if you’re holding on to old beliefs that are no longer aligned with your current priorities, this creates internal and external conflict and sabotages your relationships. So, it’s a good idea to check in with yourself from time-to-time to review and update your views, beliefs and values.
In my personal experience, the priorities I had when I first met my then partner changed quite a bit in the eight years we were together, and I had grown in a different direction. Neither one of us was doing anything wrong, but the connection was no longer there – and to me, a relationship without connection doesn’t serve its purpose.
With the clarity and confidence I had gained through my HEALTHY Path Process, I was able to communicate my thoughts and feelings from a place of honesty, respect and love – rather than confusion, frustration and stress – and we were able to transition from a romantic relationship to a friendship with greater ease.
Yes, You CAN Move Beyond the Fear that Keeps You From Making Changes
Part of the fear that keeps many of us from making changes that we know will improve the quality of our life is that we’re not yet clear on the actual change we need to make and/or how to make it.
And that’s why I’m asking you these important questions. Because change requires courage. Courage is fueled by confidence. And confidence is fueled by clarity.
These questions may be scary, and I understand how that feels – but I have to ask, which sounds scarier:
- The idea of staying in an unfulfilling relationship for the rest of your life, with no hope of change?
- Or the idea of going through a temporary period of challenges and change that will catapult you into your best life?
The choice is yours. The way you choose to live your life is yours. The ability to make changes for the better is yours (even if your partner is not yet willing to make changes). And the acceptance of someone helping you through a challenging time is yours.
You are not alone – I am here to support you however I can. I believe in you and would love to guide you and cheer you on as you begin a new chapter in your life.
If you’d like to learn more about The HEALTHY Path Process program and my one-on-one coaching services, you can schedule your Q&A call here.
If you’d like to hear how the program and my services have helped other women, you can read some of their testimonials here.
I also encourage you to take advantage of this month’s special offer: To support you in experiencing all that you desire this year, when you sign up for one of the coaching packages I offer – and book by February 1, 2018 – you’ll save $100.
There are only a few more days to take advantage of this offer, so schedule your free Breakthrough Session today. There’s no pressure to work with me beyond the Breakthrough Session, and it’s an excellent, risk-free opportunity to see if we’re a good fit to work with one another. Just like a romantic relationship, there needs to be a mutual connection in order for it to work :-).
So let’s get you on a healthy path to the clarity, confidence and courage you seek to be in a relationship you love being in. I’m accepting 5 new clients in February. Will you be one of them?
If I’m not the right person to help you, please find the person who is. Life is too precious to be unhappy or unsure about your relationship. And you deserve an excellent quality of life.
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
February is right around the corner, and that means there will soon be a lot of emphasis on Valentine’s Day. If you’re not feeling the love in your romantic relationship, don’t worry, there are PLENTY of other forms of love to focus on. I’ll be coming back to share more on that subject next month.
With love and support,
Healthy Relationship Coach