Do you ever wonder where the different voices in your head are coming from? Do you often have internal conversations that sound something like this:
Voice #1: “Am I in the wrong relationship?”
Voice #2: “What are you thinking?! You’ve invested way too much in this relationship to even consider leaving it!”
Voice #1: “But I haven’t been happy for a long time and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Do I really have to stay in it just because I’ve already been it for a long time?”
Voice #2: “What else are you going to do? How will you manage alone? What if you end up in a worse relationship? In this one, at least you know what to expect…doesn’t that feel safer than the unknown?”
Voice #1: “I get that…and I want it to work, but in my heart, this just doesn’t feel right. I thought true love was supposed to be honest, fulfilling and joyful. That’s what I really want, and this relationship just isn’t doing it for me.”
You get the idea. These different voices are the result of a disconnect between what your heart desires and what your mind is telling you to do to feel safe. Wanting to feel safe is entirely natural, but I encourage you to challenge this if it prevents you from aligning with your true desires.
The internal conflict between the opposing messages from your head and your heart can be stressful! Over a long period of time, this can cause anger and resentment, and trigger you to act like someone you do NOT want to be. So how do you calm the internal battle?
First, it’s essential to understand that there is always a practical (intellectual/mind) component and an emotional (feeling/heart) component involved in your decisions and actions. While the practical side of a decision is very much needed, it’s important that you keep your mind in check and not allow it to dominate the conversation.
Tuning in and paying attention to what your emotions are saying, AS WELL AS your intellect, will lead you to your best decision. This is no small task! As a society, we are conditioned to listen to our heads over our hearts.
And women are often not taken seriously due to “being too sensitive” and letting their emotions “get in the way” of logic. Granted, if our emotions are unstable and all over the place, that is not the time to let them take the lead. However, YOUR EMOTIONS ARE A KEY PART OF WHO YOU ARE and they cannot be ignored without causing some type of internal conflict.
If you’re able to draw awareness and connect to the feelings that your emotions produce, this is what I call taking advantage of your internal GPS. Most people think of a GPS as an outside source that tells us how to get from point A to point B. In this case, I am referring to the part of you (your inside source, your heart’s true nature) that inherently knows whether or not you’re heading in the direction of becoming the best you.
Over the next week, I invite you to set aside 10 minutes each day to sit quietly and tune in to your emotions. Emotions communicate through the sensations of feeling.
How do you feel when you think about your current romantic relationship? Anxious? Frustrated? Exhausted?
What type of bodily sensation does that feeling produce? An upset stomach? A fast heart rate? Some type of tension or pain, such as a headache? Use the vocabulary that best describes YOUR feelings and bodily sensations.
If you’ve never consciously focused on tuning in to your feelings, this exercise may seem awkward at first, and you may find yourself thinking “why am I wasting my time doing this?”. Again, this is the mind’s way of keeping you safe in the familiarity of what you’re used to experiencing.
When you find your mind trying to dominate your feelings, simply acknowledge it, thank it for caring about you and then gently ask it to step aside for a few minutes while you listen to your heart. With consistent practice, this will help you have a stronger relationship with ALL of you!
This is a lot to take in. Take your time, be patient with yourself as you are learning something new and refer back to your I, I, I practice to draw upon your inner strength.
I am here to support you in whatever way I can, and I encourage you to reach out and ask for help when you need it. I would love to connect with you and help you relieve some of that stress!
Healthy Relationship Coach