I hope the beginning of your new year is off to a strong start and you’re feeling inspired and ready to make changes for the better. You deserve to be living a life that you love.
Part of living a life that you love is creating healthy relationships that add value and purpose to your day-to-day living. So if you’re in a romantic relationship that’s in need of improvements, committing to making healthy changes in this area of your life is a powerful place to start.
This is my specialty, and I love sharing tools and resources that will help you reach your relationship goals. So the first question I have for you this week is: Do you know where your relationship is going?
You might know that your current circumstances aren’t working and that changes need to be made, but are you able to clearly articulate where you want your relationship to go?
The Process of Beginning Anew
This week’s quote from Byron Pulsifer says: “Part of the process of beginning anew, or changing directions, is to know where you want to go.” And I totally agree!
In order to reach your destination, you must first know where you’re going.
Most of the women I work with are in a state of conflict and confusion about whether to stay or go in their relationship. Many of them are already leaning in one direction or the other, but haven’t yet figured out how to get to a clear decision that feels right for them and allows them to stay in integrity with their core values.
- Do I stay with my partner and keep on trying to make it work? If the approach we’ve tried so far hasn’t worked, am I willing to learn a different approach and request the same of my partner? Am I willing to forgive the damage that’s already been done?
- Or do I gracefully let go of a relationship that no longer feels like the right one for me? If this is the choice I make, can I move forward in my life honoring what we once had, without feeling guilty or that I failed in our relationship?
In situations like these, there are all sorts of voices going on inside our heads and, often times, they’re not agreeing with each other!
What Can You Do About This?
I’ve been there…and I remember how difficult it was to wade through the confusion, the pain and the struggle of not knowing what to do and how to handle it.
When I realized that the ongoing confusion and struggle was something I had to take responsibility for, I also realized that it was up to me to find myself again. It wasn’t my partner’s fault that I was confused…he wasn’t the one feeling my internal conflict. It was up to me to figure out what I needed to do to stop the spin cycle of frustration …the back and forth dance of should I stay or should I go?
With this epiphany, I knew I needed to get real with myself, asking myself questions like: Why do I want this type of relationship in my life…what purpose does it serve? What role do I play in it? What do I need from my partner? And what do I need to do in order to know that I’m doing my best to be a great partner while also staying true to myself?
If we’re not being true to ourselves, how can we possibly be true to another? And how can we be in a committed relationship with another if we’re not being honest and real with them?
A Process for Clarity, Confidence and Courage in Your Relationship
And so began my HEALTHY Path journey. I found myself going through a process that enabled me to find a way to stay in integrity with the commitment I had made to my partner AND stay true to what I needed in order for the relationship to work. And I documented my journey through journaling every step of the way.
Little did I know at the time that I was also creating a process that I would someday share with others. My painful relationship experience was a blessing in disguise. Having successfully navigated my way back to my true self, I was now able to share this gift with others.
This gift now shows up in the form of: The HEALTHY Path Process: 8 Steps to Know…Should I Stay or Should I Go? A comprehensive program for transformation in your romantic relationship and in your life.
Having a systematized approach to an emotionally-charged predicament can be very effective for those who are willing to go through a specific process…a series of guided actions that lead you away from confusion and stress, and toward clarity and peace of mind.
In the situation of should I stay or should I go?, this is no easy task, but it can be done…and it is so worth it! When you’re able to gain the clarity and peace of mind you seek, you’re able to find the solution to your problem with much greater ease and grace!
Step 1 of The HEALTHY Path Process program is all about setting yourself up for success, which is essential when committing to anything of significant value. Coming to a clear decision about your relationship is a HUGE choice that requires commitment, honesty, respect, integrity, and more.
Step 2 is all about honing in on the purpose of your relationship. This is the focus of this week’s mindful message…getting clear on where your relationship is going. In order to do that, it makes sense to first get clear on why you’re in it, right?
The most obvious answer is along the lines of: “because I want someone to share my life with.” But let’s go a bit deeper than that, shall we?
Who is the Right Partner for You?
International bestselling author and spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz offers this perspective on who the right partner is: “Someone who wants to go in the same direction as you do, someone who is compatible with your views and your values — emotionally, physically, economically, spiritually.”
Okay, great. So what does that mean? Are you clear on your views and values?
If you’re growing through life (rather than just going through life), at least some of your views and values will naturally change as you grow. And when you’re holding onto old beliefs that are no longer aligned with your current priorities, this creates internal and external conflict and sabotages your relationships. So it’s a good idea to check in with yourself from time-to-time to review and update your views, beliefs and values.
I went into great detail about this in last week’s mindful message, so if you haven’t already read it, go here to do so (look for Question #3 under the “Empowering Exercise” sub-title).
The Fear that Keeps Us From Making Changes
Part of the fear that keeps many of us from making changes that we know will improve the quality of our lives is that we’re not yet clear on the actual change we need to make and/or how to make it.
Change requires courage. Courage is fueled by confidence. And confidence is fueled by clarity.
Life is too short to be be unhappy or unsure about your relationship. If you want your relationship to be in alignment with your values and priorities, you must get clear on what those priorities are and how you want to experience them with your partner and in your life. Then…you can make the necessary changes.
Move Through the Fear to New Beginnings
There’s more to it than this, but this is an excellent beginning. Throughout the month of January, I’ll be asking you to go deeper with these types of questions, and I hope you’re up for the challenge.
As I said in the beginning, you deserve to be living a life that you love. You deserve to feel clear, confident and joyful. You have the power to do this, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
Healthy Relationship Coach
P.S. If you’re struggling in your relationship and looking for a solution that works for you, I encourage you to take advantage of your free 30-minute Relationship Breakthrough Session. Go here for more details and to schedule your call. All you need to do is show up for the call with a willingness to know that you have the ability to make healthy changes. Give yourself permission to stop feeling stuck and start feeling free!
P.P.S. If you live in or near San Diego, I’m offering a live workshop on Wednesday, February 8. Go here for more details. I would love to see you there!