How to Calm the Fear of Making Changes in Your Relationship

Welcome to 2019! I hope you’re feeling inspired by the energy of a new chapter.

Even though January 1 is simply one day later than December 31, there’s something about a new calendar year that encourages us to put the prior year behind us and move forward with renewed energy and a willingness to make changes that we know will make our life better.

If improving your marriage/romantic relationship – or getting clear on whether you want to stay or go – is something you know will make your life better in 2019 and beyond, but the idea of making big changes feels scary, you’re definitely not alone.

Nobody wants to stay in an unfulfilling relationship, but many people do anyway. Most people like the idea of making improvements, but feel overwhelmed by a lack of clarity in how, so they just keep putting it off and feel more and more hopeless over time.

Been there, felt that! And I understand how discouraging it feels. Like, ‘I really want things to be different, but I just don’t know if I can do this’.

The good news is, you can do it! And the better news is, you can do it sooner than you think. But first, we need to calm the fear of change.

Calming the Fear of Change
When it comes to making changes, if you’re like most people, fear is your main obstacle.

  • fear of the unknown (this is the biggie!)
  • fear of how long it might take
  • fear of change bringing something worse than the status quo
  • fear of failing to achieve the desired outcome
  • fear of unintentionally hurting people in the process
  • the list goes on…

Feeling anxiety and fear is a normal response to change, BUT it doesn’t have to hold you back. There are ways you can ease and/or eliminate your fears so that you can start taking action, and start feeling better about yourself and your life.

First off, it’s okay to acknowledge that you have fears. A lot of people think being afraid is a sign of weakness, but that’s only true if you allow it to control you. So go ahead and admit that you’re afraid – and realize that the fear is there because it’s trying to protect you from pain.

You’ve most likely been hurt in the past, so whenever you’re challenged with making a decision about the unknown, fear will creep in to save you.

Your mind conjures up fear because it thinks it’s doing you a favor by scaring you into staying where you are. If you don’t know where you’re going, and you’re already here, at least you know where you are, right?

But then you have to ask yourself if the fear is truly warranted. Because a majority of the time, FEAR is just False Evidence Appearing Real.

Think about it, how many times have you made up stories in your head after assuming the worst about an unknown, only to find that none of your fears came true and you were stressed out over nothing? This is exactly what fear does…it stresses you out and keeps you from taking action toward your goals.

How to Honor the Fear and Make Changes Anyway
Knowing where fear comes from and why it shows up is helpful, but simply understanding something is not enough. If change is an inevitable part of life, and it often triggers fear, how can you face your fears and choose to make changes anyway?

There are many ways to calm and/or eliminate your fears, and it’s well worth your time and effort to learn what works best for you. The more you can calm and start moving through the obstacle of fear, the better prepared and empowered you’ll feel for change. Here are a few ideas to help you get started:

  • recognize that decisions involving change always involve both a practical and an emotional component (remembering this helps you from going crazy when your head and your heart don’t agree; the key is to learn how to align the two);
  • keep your focus on where you want to go instead of on what’s currently making you unhappy (feeding a pattern of frustration is the opposite of calming);
  • avoid beating yourself up; instead, praise yourself for every little step you take toward your goal (this helps you build your self-esteem and learn to trust yourself);
  • adopt consistent practices to build your inner strength to keep moving forward (practices like meditation, journaling, visualizing, etc.); and
  • talk with someone you can trust, who can remind you how worthy you are of a fulfilling life, and who has successfully navigated through difficult changes themselves.

These are pretty basic ideas, I know. But I also know that getting back to the basics is essential when faced with fear and anxiety about challenges and changes.

Face Everything And Rise
Another powerful acronym for FEAR is Face Everything And Rise.

If you’ve been wanting to make changes, and you’re tired of your fears holding you back, it’s essential that you get real with yourself and rise up to this opportunity to believe in yourself and step into who you really want to be.

In other words, how willing are you to stop abandoning your feelings and show up for yourself instead? No one else can do this for you.

You are far stronger than you realize and capable of handling challenges more than you give yourself credit for. Who you decide to be from this moment forward will affect the rest of your life.

So, ask yourself…

Will I decide to be a woman who chooses to stay in an unsatisfying relationship due to fear or a lack of belief in myself, my worth, and my ability to change? OR

Will I decide to be a woman who chooses to believe in myself, stand up for what I believe in, and do what it takes to make the changes I want to make?

As John C. Maxwell said: “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” Allow yourself to grow through this challenge. Open your heart and mind to new possibilities. Know that you are able to handle whatever happens and you will be okay. Your fears may tell you otherwise, but you can tell your fears to take a hike!

Start With One Small Step
I know this isn’t easy, and my intention is not to make light of something that may feel heavy. But I also know (or at least believe) that staying in an unfulfilling relationship is not something you want for yourself, and I am here to encourage and support you however I can.

My intention is to inspire and empower you to take at least one small step toward the changes you desire…and then another…and another…and another, until you reach your goals.

So, if you want:

  • more clarity in knowing what to do and how to do it,
  • more peace of mind in knowing that you’re doing your best, and
  • more courage to follow through with action that will move you forward,

give yourself permission to let me help you.

I understand that knowing who to trust in matters of the heart can feel vulnerable and risky, and that’s why I offer a free 30-minute Relationship Breakthrough Session.

It’s a risk-free opportunity to talk with an experienced relationship coach about your specific goals and to see if I’m the right person to guide and support you on your healthy path to love.

There’s no pressure to work with me beyond the Breakthrough Session and, either way, you’ll receive valuable insights that will help you move forward. Scheduling a session might be the perfect first small (and safe) step you can take toward your goals.

As an extra incentive to stop procrastinating and start taking action toward you goals, if you take this first small step by January 15 (meaning, schedule the Breakthrough Session), and we both decide to start working together before the end of January, you’ll receive $300 off The HEALTHY Path Process program or $100 off a different coaching program of your choice (we’ll determine this together during your Breakthrough Session).

If you’re ready for a new and improved chapter in 2019 and beyond, what are you waiting for? Start now. You deserve to be in a relationship you love being in and living a life you love living!

Stay tuned for more mindful messages and other valuable resources – giving you helpful insights, tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships! 

With love and support,

Catherine Dietz
Healthy Relationship Coach
Licensed Heal Your Life® Coach

P.S. If you didn’t open the gift I shared with you over the holidays, there’s still time. Go here to unwrap it (it will only take 1 minute…literally!).