As I mentioned in last week’s message, in order to get through the pain of relationship conflict, you must take action through your willingness to feel your emotions fully and let them guide you.
If you’re feeling confused about your relationship and struggling with the question of should I stay or should I go?, allowing yourself to feel beyond the surface of your confusion will help you gain the clarity you’re seeking.
This is an act of love for yourself AND your partner. If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner are ‘in it’ together, right? Even if you’re at odds with one another, you’re still in it together. And even if you ultimately decide to go your separate ways, you can still do it with love.
So today, I encourage you to take loving action for yourself and the health of your relationship. Here are some tools to help you get started.
What Are Your Feelings Trying to Tell You?
Humans have feelings for a reason. They’re here to let you know when something feels right, which usually correlates to positive emotional states of joy, peace, gratitude, etc. And they’re also here to let you know when something feels off, which usually correlates to negative emotional states of stress, frustration, fear, etc.
When two people are in a committed romantic relationship, feelings of irritation, frustration and even resentment are usually a result of an emotional need not being met, such as the need to feel connected, loved and/or valued.
For example, when my former partner used to be distracted by technical gadgets while we were talking, my reaction of irritation wasn’t because he was on his gadgets…it was because I wasn’t feeling valued enough for his focused attention. It took me a long time to understand this, and this knowledge helped me learn how to communicate my needs much more effectively…and respectfully!
Knowledge is Power
Knowing and recognizing this when your partner’s actions cause you to feel irritated is a valuable tool to employ if you want better results. When you’re feeling frustrated, ask yourself what you’re frustrated about. Is it because:
- your partner isn’t listening to you?
- you don’t feel like a priority?
- you don’t spend quality time with each other?
The answers to these questions are very revealing, and you can use that information to connect with the underlying emotional need that’s not being met. For example, in the same order as the questions above, is the need to:
- feel heard and understood?
- feel like you’re a priority in your partner’s life?
- feel a loving connection and bond?
Taking Responsibility for Your Feelings and Needs
Once you’re able to make the connection between what your feelings are telling you and why, you can then take this action one step further and communicate those needs to your partner.
Before you communicate those needs to your partner, be sure that you’re clear on what you need to say and prepare yourself for the conversation so that it can be delivered with respect and love.
If you’ve bottled up your hurt feelings for a long time and you’re ready to explode, communicating your needs from this state will not help you get the results you’re seeking.
You Don’t Need to Shrink if Your Partner Isn’t Ready to Grow
It’s extremely common for one partner in a relationship to be ready to make changes and grow, while the other one is not ready and doesn’t want to take part in difficult conversations.
While this can be discouraging for the person who IS ready, it doesn’t mean you can’t move forward. Remember, the most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself.
If you’re not able to love yourself, how can you possibly authentically love another? You can’t give what you don’t have. And you don’t have to shrink yourself for someone who refuses to grow.
Is There Love Behind Your Actions?
Whether you’re choosing to take action on your own or with your partner, keep in mind these powerful words from Mother Teresa: “Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do…but how much love we put in that action.”
Home is where the heart is. Are you loving yourself enough to take action?
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
P.S. If the current state of your romantic relationship is not where you want it to be, love yourself enough to take action and contact me here to schedule your free Relationship Breakthrough Session. You’re not alone, and you deserve to have the relationship you desire.