With Daylight Savings Time starting tomorrow (for those who observe it), and as we transition from winter to spring, it’s a great time to share some ideas on how to shed some light on your darkest moments.
We all have dark moments. Unfortunately for many of us, these ‘moments’ can expand into days, weeks, months and even years! This feels like a burden that gets heavier and heavier as time goes on…as if we’re sinking into the depths of pain with no hope of finding our way out.
In the context of a romantic relationship, this feels extremely confusing and stressful! This type of relationship is designed to feel supportive, loving and joyful; not critical, resentful and dark.
And yet, how many couples have gone into their relationship thinking their love would last forever, only to find themselves in a state of pain so great that they’re willing to say they hate each other and spend thousands of dollars to get divorced?
This is a sad fact, but we can’t avoid the truth. Or can we?
I wonder how many love affairs have gone sour due to a lack of honesty. I wonder how many unexpressed feelings have festered and grown dark with resentment from a lack of understanding.
If you want true love to last, you must be truthful…even if it hurts. Yes, sometimes honesty causes pain.
But let’s face it, dishonesty, or failing to speak your truth to those who need to hear it, is even more hurtful. Why? Because deceiving yourself and/or your partner doesn’t serve anybody.
Even if your truth is difficult for your partner to hear and might hurt their feelings, honesty is an act of respect. It’s an act of courage. And it’s an act of love.
I used to think that holding back some of my feelings was an act of kindness toward my partner…because I didn’t want him to feel rejected or that he wasn’t trying hard enough.
The truth is, even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong, there were certain things that really bothered me deep down. But I wasn’t brave enough to express my feelings because I was too afraid of hurting his.
Knowing and appreciating that he and our relationship had so many great qualities, I kept telling myself that I had more inside work to do and that I could eventually learn to accept our differences.
But as time went on, I started to feel resentful. Not because he wasn’t honoring my feelings, but because I wasn’t honoring them! I was trying so hard to accept ALL of him that I didn’t realize that I wasn’t accepting ALL of me.
This was a pivotal moment for me. How could he possibly do anything to help alleviate my internal conflict if I wasn’t being honest with myself, let alone with him?
That aha moment was a HUGE step toward a healthier path. A path that led to more honesty and less fear. More respect and less resentment. More hope and less sadness. And a lot more light and less darkness.
When you’re in a state of emotional pain in your relationship, you can begin to heal that pain by identifying its source. It starts with being honest with yourself about what’s not working.
- What are you upset about?
- What part of you is not being heard or understood?
- What need is not being met?
It’s not about blame, being right, or changing the other person. It’s about honesty…plain and simple, down-to-earth honesty.
When you choose to face the reality of your feelings with honesty, even if it’s difficult, it will lighten your load, give you hope and allow your light to shine more brightly. It begins with YOU.
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,
Healthy Relationship Coach
P.S. If you know of someone who is struggling in their romantic relationship and would benefit from some valuable tools to help them, please share my free guide: 3 Steps to Know…Should I Stay or Should I Go?