When your relationship is going smoothly, it’s easy to appreciate your partner and what you have together, right? And I’m guessing you also agree that when lack of harmony and struggle enter the picture, it’s easy to forget your partner’s good qualities and the loving connection you share when things are going well.
Even worse, if you’re in a cycle of disharmony and conflict that you can’t seem to resolve, the burden of being together and trying to figure things out becomes heavier. You might be asking yourself questions like:
- Am I with the right partner?
- Do I even want to try to make this relationship work?
- Am I doing everything I can within my own power to make healthy changes?
When feeling confused, these types of questions are completely normal and natural. Answering them, however, is not so easy. The good news is…I have something that will help.
Obviously, you are the only person who can answer these questions. But that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Experienced guidance from an outside source can help you clear up your confusion and lead you to your own answers.
Isn’t that awesome?! At times when I’ve struggled in my own life, I have always found it helpful to enlist the support of a specialized coach who can help me get out of my own way.
When we’re confused and stressed out about something that we think we should be able to figure out on our own, the experience of not being able to figure it out only creates more stress and confusion. It’s a vicious cycle, and our egos thrive on this!
I’d love to help you reduce that stress by inviting you to reflect on the ABCs for healthy and effective changes…specifically designed for women who are in an unfulfilling relationship.
These questions are not designed to be easy, but they are designed to be a powerful catalyst for gaining the clarity and confidence you need to make positive change.
If you’ve already answered these questions before, but you’re still feeling confused about your relationship, be willing to revisit your answers…they may be different this time. Grab a piece of paper and let’s get started.
Step 1: Practice AWARENESS and get real about where your relationship is and where you want it to go by answering these questions:
What percentage of the time do you feel your needs are being met in your current relationship? ____%
On a scale from 1 – 10 (1 being the least and 10 being the most), how do you rate your current level of satisfaction with your romantic relationship? _____
Now…using the same scale of 1 – 10, write down the level of satisfaction you want to feel in your romantic relationship _____
This first step allows you to see the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. As the great writer and psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden said: “The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” This leads us to Step 2.
Step 2: Be BRAVE about identifying what’s not working in your relationship and the changes that need to be made to achieve the results you desire. For example, do you long for a deeper connection? Once you’ve identified the problem, ask yourself what needs to change to make it better. For example: “We need to find ways to help us feel more connected.” Answer the following question to implement Step 2:
Name at least one specific issue that you know you’ve been avoiding even though it affects the health of your relationship, and any ideas you have to make it better: ______________________________________________________.
Accepting what needs to change leads us to Step 3.
Step 3: Make a CONSCIOUS CHOICE about the action you’re going to take toward positive change and stay committed to those actions with integrity and determination. Through practicing awareness (which promotes clarity) and being brave (which is needed for change), you can then make a conscious choice, instead of a choice based on fear or frustration. Here’s a question you can answer to implement Step 3:
What action can I take right now (starting today or tomorrow) to move toward the change I need?
(Example: “I will come up with five suggestions for how my partner and I can connect more meaningfully, and I will ask him/her to do the same.” This is just an example – it’s important that you come up with your own form of action based on your answers from Steps 1 and 2.)
And there you have it. Three questions that will help you start moving away from confusion and struggle, and toward clarity and confidence about what to do next in your relationship. This doesn’t solve all of your problems in one day, but it does get you started on a path for positive change.
You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. If you don’t feel loved and supported in your current relationship, you owe it to yourself to reflect on these ABCs.
You can do it! And when you’re ready to take it one step further, I am here to support you. After taking the time to answer these questions, it can be extremely liberating and helpful to talk with someone who can help you figure out what to do next.
If you consider yourself and your relationship a priority, take action today and contact me to schedule your free 30-minute relationship strategy session. I look forward to connecting with you and helping you make healthy and effective changes.
Stay tuned for more mindful messages. Giving you helpful tips and exercises to improve the quality of your life and relationships!
With love and support,